:: Follow The Voice In Your Heart ::

We are the keepers of our own heart.

So what is it about following the voice in your heart?

Some hear the voice but are deaf to it...

Some listen too much to the voice in their head,

they ignore the one in their heart.

So just what is it about following the voice in your heart?

Just ask the keeper of this blog...

The keeper of her own heart.

*the keeper*

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:: Xuanwan ::
:: 12/09/84 ::
:: NUS undergrad ::
:: FASS ::

*loves *

:: my family ::
:: andrew ho ::
:: badminton ::
:: bubble tea ::
:: babies ::
:: singing ::
:: sleeping ::
:: slacking ::
:: surprises ::

*moodswings *

*wishlist *

~~:: finish the whole series of Sex & The City ::~~
~~:: to enjoy whatever modules I'll be doing next sem ::~~
:: not be kicked out of NUS and have to go sell bubble tea ::
:: rid the world of nasty jerks ::
~~:: to get out of boring S'pore for holiday! ::~~

Monday, February 07, 2005

I'm so damn upset now... cos I juz finished watching the last episode for "Sex & The City" Season 6. There is nothing for mi to look forward to anymore! No more anticipating the next episode to hurry download finish... my life is so dull now! It's dat addictive. The ending was kinda nice... everybody ends up happy... but there's diz episode where Carrie decided to move to Paris wif her bf, cos he wants her to be there wif him. The scene where the 4 gers were at the restaurant and they started crying when Carrie started those good-byes and I'll-miss-u-guys thingy. It set mi thinking abt the amazing frenship btw ger pals...

Guys have their buddy buddy relationship, but they'll never understand the connection we gers have wif our ger frenz. How gers stand by each other in times of need, when they're dumped by their bf, when they need a shoulder to cry on, or simply, when they juz need sumone to be there. I muz admit I'm one hell of a lucky ger. Frm sec sch till uni, I'd made many many frenz, many of whom are still here wif mi. Some gers are not so lucky... those that have countless bfs ever since sec sch. I'd learnt that boys are the cause of all trouble. I was able to experience all sorts of sisterly love, and now dat I actually sit down and think back abt it... I truly really appreciate it. For all the times my frenz have been there for mi...

Frenz try to solve arguments, no matter how bad they are... cos the frenship is too valuable to be lost. When I was in sec 3 (or was it 4?), I had sum big argument wif the Cedar Badminton pple... sum of them. And for sum bloody reason which I bloody hell cant rem, I had a big argument wif YY... really big, cos that was the first time I shouted so loud at sumone, along the corridors of the classroom... I was so angry my veins were popping, and she was so angry, she was crying. And due to my bloody stubborn nature wif my "I'm always right" attitude, I refuse to do anything abt it. And one day, she did the gracious act of giving in and writing mi a letter of apology and peace. And boy am I glad she did dat... or else I'd never noe how close we can be... until now, she's always there for mi... and I noe she'll always be... no matter how many yrs down the rd.

Frenz look out for each other, and try their best not to let u get hurt. When I got together wif this guy I barely knew when I was in J1, YY & Gwen were damn bloody worried for mi, they kept asking mi am I sure abt diz... but I was stupid enuff not to heed their advice, and even find them a nag. So did my JC frenz, Sher, Dul, Wendy, WF, Angel. Everyone was hesitant abt this thing, but I was too blinded by him to listen to them. And when it was over, I realize I had thrown them so far when I was wif him, I totally neglected them, and I felt v hard to fit back in... and I apologized. I'll never ever neglect my frenz again... no matter wad happens. Yiru was there for mi when I was crying my eyes out during one of the training sessions... she never once said "I told u so", no... all she did was to be there for mi... and she brought mi to Daniel's hse to continue crying my eyes out. It may seem a natural thing to do, but it takes a really great fren to actually do it. And thinking back now, I really thank her for dat...

When I got retained, the SBCA gang were there to let mi cry... it was not onli the studying one more yr part which I'm upset abt... it's abt being in a diff class frm them... no longer classmates, it's abt going into a totally new class of younger pple, strangers... pple who dunno mi as well as SBCA do. But I'd learnt, dat it doesn't matter dat I'd retained and not being in the same class as them anymore... cos they never did forget mi, sumthing which I'm really worried abt, until today, I'm still part of the gang, I still meet up wif them for outings and they're still there for mi when I needed them. It's as if nothing changed...

My new class of younger pple seems really bad, and again, I am one hell of a lucky ger. I managed to click veri well wif this wonderful group or gers aka Catastrophe, Catas for short. At the beginning I feel lyk I'm the older sis taking care of a grp of younger ones... but as time goes by, we juz feel lyk we're the same age. One interesting thing abt this bunch of gers is that they love to have crushes... it's so fun to hear each of them tok abt their crushes and helping each other spotting their crush arnd sch. And I'll forever rem the period of time when 3 of us decided to take part in Talentime, and the rest who are not participating, joined us after sch for every practice session, and listen to us sing the same damn song over and over again. And even though they did complain sumtimes abt us singing all the time, they still came for every of our practice session. And so sorry gers, dat it was screwed up in the end over sum bloody mic stand. But memories always cum flowing back whenever I listen to the "Last Goodbye" song. And slowly as time goes by, I seem to get closer and closer to onli Jo and Cryst. Dunno wad happened to the rest, but I'm fine wif it. And we try to make it a pt to meet up once a week. I noe it sounds stupid, but I would feel really uneasy if we miss one week outing. Remembering last yr when exams was nearing and I decided I cant meet dem anymore, I felt so weird after a while I had to at least have a conference call wif them. Oh and I swear we are as straight as the next ger u see on the street... no crooked tendencies.

And there's my dear CoolCrunch babes... which came abt after an encounter wif Cococrunch cereal which we were passing under the table in sec 3. And each of them are lovable in their own unique way. Laura is lyk the mother, who is always there for any one of us when we need her. She's a real sweet angel who always puts her frenz before any guy, even a guy she likes. I rem once when I was veri upset abt this guy (cant rem who), I went crying to her on the fone and instead of juz comforting mi the way a normal fren would, she told mi, " Why are u telling mi all diz? You shld be telling HIM all this! Any guy dat makes u cry lyk dat deserves a slap on the face! Call him now, or I'll do the calling." She may not rem saying this, but I'll forever rem it...dats juz how sweet and protective Laura is... I miss her, she's in Aussie now. And there's Tab, this one, I really have countless things to say. We've been through a lot, and when I say a lot... I mean A LOT. She was there when I had my first ever crush... or was it 2nd? (Hey Tab were u involved when I had a crush on dat neighbour of mine? Or did it start onli when I had a crush on dat badminton guy? Pls let mi noe... I suddenly forgot! Sorrie!) She was there to listen to mi gush abt him lyk sum lovesick kid, and I was there for her when she had her crushes too. And even when we went to diff JCs, and even after I retained, and she went into U a yr before mi, nothing seems to have changed. Instead, I feel dat our frenship seems to be even stronger than ever... and I noe she's another one who'll always be there for mi, no matter how many yrs down the rd, no matter whether she's attached anot, or if I am anot. I noe dat no matter wad problems I have, serious or minute, she'll always spare time for mi... and I promise I will too.

This bunch of gers is one which I'd never ever thought I'll noe... my relief teacher frenz. Frm all 4 corners of S'pore (literally), sumhow we all ended up in NVSS. And how we actually clicked is an even more amazing story. I was a loner in the sch, cant really tok to the old teachers as well as the present relief teachers my age. There were a few others whom I din even notice. And one day, one of these "few other relief teachers" came up to mi and told mi the VP appointed her to assist mi in handling the most notorious class of 2N3. And we hit it off immediately, we bitch abt students everyday in the staff room, we bought cup noodles to store in our cupboards cos we're so sick of the canteen food. She accompanied mi when I was in a crazy mood and wanted to go buy a cane to fix those kids, which in the end cant be used cos I was warned by my mum abt the student protection thing these days. She's Minyu. And then after sum time, I noticed another relief teacher, and Minyu told mi she's frm the same sec sch and JC as her... this woman is funny and I can totally relate to her cos of how we are always being bullied by the students for being so soft. (Min is the fiercest!) She's Xinyi. And after a month or so, during teachers' contact meeting, we spotted this quiet ger sitting there, and being introduced by the VP as one of the new relief teachers. She was veri quiet, and we decided to be nice and tok to her. And we clicked off immediately... I'm so amazed dat she teaches Art! Maybe cos I totally cant draw a circle without it looking lyk an oval. And she's Jeslyn. And frm then on, the 4 of us were famous arnd sch. The 4 relief teachers who were always together. We were there to help one another get though every sch day, especially the bad ones. When I came crying to Min dat I dun dare to step into 2N3 and face those monsters, Min was there to console mi, When Xin came crying cos of the same reasons for her 2E classes (I already said we 2 were weak teachers), we were all there to listen. When Min came fuming into the staffroom and almost in the brink of tears, but she's strong. I went to the class she left to continue teaching frm where she left them, she needed to cool down. I dun rem Jes having any problems... fierce teachers are always luckier... but wadever it is, the pt is we got through it in one piece. And I'm so thankful we're still in contact, all 4 of us. I'm so glad I met them, in dat small sec sch in Sengkang.

And when I first stepped into NUS, I was scared and worried stiff. I hated making new frenz, especially when I'm already 20! And again... I'm lucky. The gers in the same OG as mi, all had the same frequency as mi, not the bimbotic type of gers, not the bitchy and vainpots, not the bossy and noe-it-all type... And dats how I survived for so long in uni, cos I have them arnd. I love the bitching sessions we had last sem after every E Lang Lect, we would laugh on top of our voices and heck the whole canteen even if eyes are staring at us. And this sem, I'm glad dat I have even more lessons in common wif a few of them, and even if we dun, we can still meet up for lunch at arts canteen to bitch abt pple! It's too early to say if this grp of frenz can last for veri veri long... but I sure hope it will!

Ok... I'm pretty certain this is the LONGEST entry I ever written, but it's kinda lyk on the spur of the moment thingy, and everything juz came out so naturally. It's 3am in the nite now and I've a morning lesson whereby my new crush (who's attached) will be there... I may have panda eyes or big eye-bags tmr and totally turn him off in class, but I dun really care. I wouldn't be who I am now if not for all the wonderful gers I juz mentioned above. And to all my frenz, I thank you frm the bottom of my heart, I noe this sounds cheesy and gives u goosebumps, but I'm really veri grateful for being so lucky and having met all of u. And I truly hope dat many many yrs frm now, it can be lyk the 4 gers in "Sex & The City", who'll still be there for one another no matter wad happens... Dats sister love for u... cos the guys will never get it... ever.

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* xuan * listened
@ |2/07/2005 03:03:00 AM|