Thursday, July 28, 2005
Will you lose something when you gain something?I'm in this miserable sticky state now... came back frm my fren's dad's funeral... den suddenly feel lyk life is so unpredictable, and miserable. And trust mi... I never felt this way before. Everytime my frens complain abt life, I'll say life is not so bad, life is good etc etc. It's just that, sad things are happening to people around me... and it struck me that, if it can happen to them, can it happen to me too? And then I get miserable again...
I'm not going to start on my fren's dad, and then on my dad again... tink I used up alot of space for it a few days ago. Anw, a really close fren of mine juz told us that her parents are getting a divorce. Usually such stuff happen to the fren of my fren's fren, or stg along that line... never once it is, my fren. Direct. It's just so shocking and unpredictable. And then I get miserable again...
Then my fren was saying that her neighbour just died of cancer... and his son is only 5. He waited for his wife to come home to see her one last time before leaving lor. That is like how sad... and how is his wife going to cope alone taking care of a 5 year old? What is it about cancer? It strucks as it pleases... and chooses anyone it likes. I'm miserable again...
And then I got a bit cranky and then started having really cranky thoughts. Then I called my fren and told her, will we have to lose something when we gain something? You always hear people saying that nothing is perfect. So now that I feel that my life is almost perfect. I have a perfect dad, and a perfect mum who just can be a little unreasonable at times. Pple's parents are getting a divorce. I have siblings whom I'm really close to, and I've frens who's siblings are plotting against one another. I'm not exactly scholar material, but at least I'm getting the most basic uni degree, which my parents keep telling mi the importance of. I'm not wealthy, but my family is not the damn hard-up for money kind. The only thing missing for me now is just a bf. And then I thought, if there's nothing perfect in the world, what if I have to lose something I already have now when I get a bf?
Then I'll rather keep everything I have now.
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* xuan * listened
@ |7/28/2005 12:51:00 AM|
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
I am SO bloody sick now. Juz look at my msn nick it spells everything... I have flu, a deadly sore throat, headache and fever. And it was actually not that bad... expect for the flu and deadly sore throat. And then I had my first group tuition session wif my ex-2N1 NVSS students. I tink I nearly killed myself with the heat boiling in side me. I dunno why did I agree on this in the first place... their maths is... realli realli realli BAD. How bad? The only girl out of the 3, juz cannot seem to work out this multiplication working right. And it's really the veri simple one involving decimals. And cos it's e-maths paper 1, I dun let them use calculator. In the end I have to end up teaching her wad to do with the "dot" for the decimal. I taught my pri 4 kid this a few weeks ago... I cant believe it man. Calculators really marks the death of using brains... students get totally helpless once they cant use the calculator.
Well... but being a tuition teacher, and their ex-teacher for that matter... I will try not to blow up at them and patiently try to teach them... and my head is still painful even after the sleep. And I'm emitting heat... aaargh!
Oh ya... and I forgot to mention... was supposed to go ktv wif my theatre studies frenz... but when I msged one of them to say I cant go cos my throat is so painful even sighing kills me. She actually rescheduled the ktv session to next wk! I was expecting her to go ahead with the rest and juz tell me, "another time then!". SO happy! =)
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* xuan * listened
@ |7/26/2005 10:11:00 PM|
Monday, July 25, 2005
I received this sms frm a fren this morning, about this other friend of ours. His dad passed away this morning. I didn't know what to say when I read the msg... he must be feeling damn terrible now. And just now I was watching this family serial I'm following on scv, the father of the 5 kids passed away 4 years ago but their uncle and auntie only let them know about it now. And then they showed the kids this video their dad left for them before he passed away cos of some sickness. And then I couldn't take it anymore I hid myself in the toilet and cried...
And now it's almost 2pm but my dad is still at home, his lunch break ends at 2pm but always uses this time to buy lunch back for me. And then I asked him why he still haven go work yet... he said, "to protect you mah!". I know he's just joking... he definitely did not take leave today... but still... I feel lyk crying again. Aaargh. My dad is so much a part of my life I cant imagine not having him around at all. I always have my obiang tumbler when I go for my dance practices... but none of the times I made the honey myself. My dad always has the tumbler of icy cold honey nicely made for me when I'm going for my practices. I'm having a bad sore throat now and I'm hugging my tumbler everywhere I go in the house... of cos, my dad made the honey again. And he puts up with my tantrums too... He always wakes up much earlier than the whole family to make breakfast for us before driving each and every one of us to school... lyk all 4 corners of the island. He always trys to pick me up wherever I am after I meet my friends for dinner at night... some of my friends' parents sleep early and wun be affected that their daughter have not return home, but my dad can never go to sleep before I come home... and on days he cant come to fetch me home at night, he'll make sure either himself or my bro will be at the void deck waiting for me to come home. I really hope everyone of us can treasure the people around you now... cos you never know when it'll be too late.
And now I asked my dad again how come he haven go off to work... he said,"Oh so you want to drive me out of the house la? Ok lor... den I go out lor."
Is he kidding? I will never want to drive my dad away ... ever.
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* xuan * listened
@ |7/25/2005 01:46:00 PM|
Sunday, July 24, 2005
I went to see my baby nephew after my NDP training today... he's only a week old... SO CUTE!!!
That's my cousin, who is the baby's mum, sitting him on her lap and trying to "burp" him, after breast-feeding him...
And then he got SIAN after a while...
Haha...
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* xuan * listened
@ |7/24/2005 11:07:00 PM|
Saturday, July 23, 2005
You know you're too short when....
Haha... sneaky Xuan at work again... I just couldn't resist it... this woman was sitiing just opp mi in the train... and she just looks so funny la... wanted to take another foto of this mother and daughter who look very alike and who sat at this seat after the short woman left... but I figured if I take their foto I'll have to take their faces... and they may sue me if they find out... haha... better dun take the chance man...
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* xuan * listened
@ |7/23/2005 11:42:00 PM|
Friday, July 22, 2005
I'm back to being a teacher! Haha... tuition teacher counted also la. Other than my current pri4 kid now... my ex-students frm NVSS vame back to me asking for A and E Maths tuition. My little darlings... haha. Ok la... juz 2 of them for A-Maths tuition and the same 2 plus another girl for E_Maths tuition. All frm my 2N1 class... haha. And then comes the problem... time-management.
I got my pri 4 tuition, which I hope I wun have to give up cos the kid is really quite smart and he's very easy to teach... twice a wk in the evenings. Then for my sec sch students I put them in the afternoon, twice a week. And then juz now I tried planning my time-table, plan till nearly puke blood ar... u need to consider for everything! I mean... I even made sure I have one day for shopping la... (I need time for myself also u noe...), and also which 2 nites to go over to my aunt's hostel to stayover. And finally I'm done! I cant believe I got everything in place! And now the ony 2 problems is
1) If I can get all my desired modules and tutorial slots.
2) If they'll allow me to do this level 3000 ELang mod when I haven done one of the required 2000 mods, which I'm planning to do this sem. If they dun allow me to do it den that's it for me. I cant find stg else to take already lor...
So I'm just going to cross my fingers and pray really really hard...
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* xuan * listened
@ |7/22/2005 12:35:00 AM|
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Have not been blogging these few days cos I just got back my camera which was sent for repairs. So for the past few nites I'm busy taking fotos of mt new earrings and also other items to be sold on yahoo auctions... damn tiring to take so many fotos and do all the computer editing too.
Anw... went out wif Ning, YY and Rong. Supposed to be the whole Cedar Badminton Team but last min the rest backed out. It was pretty enjoyable la... the conversation is never-ending when I'm with them. And I cant wait for Gwen to come back frm US den we can go stayover at YY's place!!! I miss my twinny so so so much!!! (Knowing Gwen... she'll probably get goosebumps and scold mi "siao!" if she reads this entry)
Ripped this off YY's blog... that's the four of us! Me, Rong, Ning and YY respectively...
Went to Haagen Daz after dinner for a nicer ambience for chatting. My super heavenly yet sinful ice-cream.
And this is just for fun... I ambushed my brother from behind at his study table when I reached home yesterday to take a foto with him on my hp... and this is how he protested. Haha... he looks so funny...
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* xuan * listened
@ |7/21/2005 03:10:00 AM|
Monday, July 18, 2005
Just a few weeks ago I'm seeing things in a new light... in a more optimistic way. Now, I dun wan to elaborate anything here, but I just want to say that I'm totally disappointed in relationships. It's damn upsetting to see your own friends so miserable cos of it.I wish the earth was flat, then I can throw all guys on earth over the edge.Assholes...
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* xuan * listened
@ |7/18/2005 10:33:00 PM|
YCF 2005 came to an end today, very successfully! I was kind of touched at the end, and also "she bu de" to finish the whole thing, I mean... after training for so many many months, it's over. Wish I had opened up earlier to my group... all the while when go for trainings I onli stick wif Cryst and Dul... only today den suddenly lyk noe more of the pple in our grp... they're very nice pple! Haha... Really glad Jes pulled mi to join this thing... Ok, enuff crap... a picture paints a thousand words.... here goes!
At the waiting area...
Cryst, Alina and our trainer Huiping
Haha... the beginning of our multiple shots for the day!
Apple apple! Haha... kena scolded by Dulcia for this shot...
Ok, that's a proper one... altho I look a bit sleepy?
That's Jes! She's so cute in this foto! (Hey babe, this one is resized smaller, i'll send u the original sized one when I see u online k?)
Me, Jes and Liling
Got see 8 indian beauties in one pic before? Haha...
That's our block joker Sean, turning our trainer Guoxiong upside down biting on an apple! LOL!
Aiyah sorry we SHY la....
Pretty formation huh... carefully planned one ok...
Our block B grp foto, altho their focus is all over the place, cos got alot of cameras taking at the same time...
Our block B frenz...
Here we start! Kiam-Pa pic! Ooooh... I'm so KP... hahaha~!
Act cute foto!
That's Sean! He always brings laughter to our group...
That's Weiping, who's supposed to be standing in front of mi for the formation but last minute changed place...
Ooooh.... kiss me kiss me!!!
Give me the WIDEST grin u have! Cryst is so cute!
And then we end off with this...
(To Cryst and Dulcia... for the rest of the fotos get frm mi k... couldn't put up everything here la... and anw dun save frm here, it's resized down, so quality not so good if u wan to develop or anything la...)
And now.... we'll be performing our item for NDP. Not the Padang actual show, but one of the side-shows... will have Fiona Xie dancing with us... and media coverage! Haha... but it'll mean more trainings and sweat. Haha...
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* xuan * listened
@ |7/18/2005 01:42:00 AM|
Sunday, July 17, 2005
Juz bathed finish after coming back from YCF show 1 this evening... Damn bloody tired... we had to report at 12pm when the show is at 7pm la... And to our horror when we arrived Toa Payoh Stadium they had the disco lightings in the hall, with purple, orange, white lights blinking here and there... and we had to do our make-up inside... in the end it's damn atrocious cos the make-up aunties cant even see the correct colour they applied on our faces! Many poor gers had too much blusher put on their faces it looked lyk monkey's backside. Luckily I was one of the slower ones, so onli applied blusher after the first run-through. I'm bringing my own entire make-up kit tmr... wonder would it be nice if I applied blue shiny eyeshadow instead of pink and purple lyk everyone else... *evil laughter* Anw... here's juz 2 of the nicer fotos I took today after the performance. I swear I look ugly and scary in the rest of the fotos. And I learnt that the moral of the story is, too much of something is not good! My eyes are big, den after putting eyeliner and all the eye crap make-up, i look lyk a monster. My lips thick, den after putting the bloody red lipstick, I lyk gross and ugly. I want smaller eyes and thinner lips! Bleah...
Dats mi, Dulcia, Cryst and 2 of our new frens frm Soka...
And that's juz us, after removing our make-up partially...
Will not show the rest of the fotos that I look ugly in... And will take more tmr! There's so many more pple I wan to take foto wif! Lyk Miss Teo will disappeared so quickly after performance today! Haha...
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* xuan * listened
@ |7/17/2005 12:44:00 AM|
Friday, July 15, 2005
Chanced upon this while doing some blog surfing... really nice and meaningful. Kind of like the chinese thingy I posted that day...
Someone said... "Wallets are a lot like girls. You really have to take good care of, because if you won't, something might happen"... I know what he means. I just lost a wallet, and I just lost a girl. You know, it's the exact same thing. One day, you just realize it's gone. You try to look for it everywhere, even going back to the places where you could have lost it. You think, and you think hard, only to come upon a grim realization: it's really gone. Of course, you can hold on to some hope. After all, there have been some very, very lucky (blessed?) people who get it back. Perhaps you could become one of those people. You sit home and you hope that someone would call, and that you would get it back. But then, some time passes, and you realize that it's still gone, and you realize that it's time to let go. The first few days, you turn to your friends for support. Some tell you you'll be ok, some tell you that it was your fault and that you should have been more careful, and some tell you about their own experiences. They give you all sorts of advice, none you haven't heard before. You then go out to find a new wallet, only to realize that you don't really want a new one. You want the old one that you lost. No, you don't want all these better-looking wallets, you want yours, because of how comfortable it is, because of all the cards and pictures and other stuff in it. You go out and carry on without a wallet, keeping your money in your pocket instead. You throw away stuff that you would have held on to if you had your old wallet. And then, finally, you find a new wallet you like and settle in. You then start filling your new wallet, little by little. It still doesn't feel as comfortable as the old one, but it's getting there. Then you start putting in cards and pictures and other important stuff in the wallet. Soon enough, there's as much stuff in your new wallet as the old one. And then, after some time, you feel as comfortable with your new wallet. And then you realize that you've almost forgotten you ever had your old wallet. Sure, you still remember most of the stuff you lost on that wallet. But then again, you don't remember the feeling of hurt that you felt when you lost it. That's because that wallet you lost is no longer your wallet. You're no longer holding on. This new wallet you're holding, it has all the important cards and pictures and stuff that you need. This is your wallet. And this time, you tell yourself, you're never losing this one. This whole passage is really meaningful I feel... it sorta summed up the heart-to-heart session with Ning for the entire night till 3-4 am plus last nite. I had my chances, I had my chances to let the guy I like noe how I felt abt him. Even after we graduated I still had my chances to do so... but I just cant sum up the courage to do so, and I passed up my chances. I also had many chances to try to accept some guy who had flaws, but at that point of time, I still believed in the perfect guy. And then again, I gave up my chances. A part of me wanted to go finish up whatever unfinished business of mine, maybe there's still this very last chance, but then again, I couldn't, cos of this little evil thing inside of me by the name of "pride". And then I chanced upon this passage above, and I finally told myself, from now onwards, if I get a new chance, I am never going to pass it up again... because the feeling of this thing called "regret"...... sux.
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* xuan * listened
@ |7/15/2005 01:36:00 AM|
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Now lazing around in Ning's house... stayed over the night before. Wad happened was that she ended her attachment at Ritz Carlton a few weeks ago and so I met up with her for lunch. movie and dinner. Over lunch she started to update me about her many "tao hua yun" at Ritz... and then she asked me when we were on the way home. "Then what abt u? Any new updates?" I said,"what was the last thing I'd updated you abt?" She thought and said... "Some malay guy or something..." And I said, "Ok... that's lyk HOW long ago..." So cos of that she decided I shall come stay over at her house one of these days to slowly update her about everything. Which explains why I'm here now la... but I'm too lazy to go home now so waiting for my dad to end work and come fetch me home... haha.
It's fun staying over alone at your fren's place... I used to think it'll be quite weird cos usually when I stay over at a fren's place it'll be with one group of frenz. But it's nice! We played tennis at ther place when I came, and even had one ball go all the way over the fence and to the road... my fault... and luckily we din hear any car horns and crashing sounds after the ball went over to the raod. After that we went out to AMK S11 for the best prawn mee ever, and then went Coffee Bean at Bishan to chill till 11 plus, and had to miss the last bus home. Even when we came home we came up to take cups and ice and brought drinks down to the poolside and continued our long chit chat about simply everything. The whole ambience is so nice and romantic, dead quite and the pool dead still, with a gentle breeze blowing. That's what I call the heart-to-heart talk man... even told her stuff I never told anyone yet... maybe never.
Too bad Ning's going overseas to study in Sep. for 2 years! Damn! Anw we were saying we can go for some 3 day 2 nite trip to somewhere near... maybe HK or stg... haha... she's still checking out the various rates on internet... haha.
Dad's coming to pick mi up anytime soon.... shall go change out of my pyjamas now...
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* xuan * listened
@ |7/14/2005 05:23:00 PM|
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Again... hope my translation is not too bad... anw reminded mi, supposed to take this translation module with Tab but now cant cos Tab gotta take alot of her psych modules which will be very heavy. Bleah~! As usual, this is by my fav chinese author... I remember reading this ages ago in one of her books... came across it online again... so would like to share with everyone... Here goes:
After we break-up, we always ask, "How can I forget him? I'm trying so hard, and yet it's so difficult!"If you cant forget him, then dun try to. Why do you have to give yourself so much pain trying to forget someone? You'll eventually forget him as time goes by.Now, I ask you not to ever think of a pink elephant. So what are you tinking abt now? The pink elephant. The more you try to forget something, the more you cant forget it. It's natural that you cant forget someone you still care about, dun have to be ashamed of it.Some people obviously cant forget, but still insist that they have already forgotten about the person. But once the name of the person is brought up, they couldn't control themselves again.Someday, you will forget him. You do not have to try very hard to really forget someone.One day, when you walk out of the bathroom and turn on the radio, listening to your favourite song, you may suddenly remember that you once loved somebody. And you'll realise it seems like something that happened so long ago, and you have no feeling at all when recalling it now. That, is really forgetting.One day, when someone else brings the person's name up, and you'll suddenly realise, "Oh ya, I remeber loving this person before, but it all seems so blurry now. That, is what is called really forgotten. If time cant let you forget those people who do not deserve to be remembered, then what's the significance of the amount of time that has already been lost?
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* xuan * listened
@ |7/13/2005 01:25:00 AM|
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Talking to Min now on msn... seldom see her online these days... and I feel so good talking to her about our good old teaching days! It's more than a year ago alr... time really flies man. And it's really nice talking about school stuff cos I just realised that none of my other frens share the same kind of passion for teaching. Not that I've sum gigantic passion or something... but it's lyk, I like talking abt teaching! Last sem one of the girls in my TS prac grp also did relief teaching for her 6 months break, and we can sit down there and share our experiences for few hours straight! Yar... sounds incredible... but once we start, we cant stop!
Haiz... I miss the days of teaching man. It's contradicting cos I'd told everybody that I'll want to try something else in future and not want to go into teaching straightaway... but somehow I cant imagine myself doing anything other than teaching! Or maybe cos I din try anything OTHER than teaching before... haha. Office job? *sigh*
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* xuan * listened
@ |7/12/2005 01:10:00 AM|
Saturday, July 09, 2005
Oh man! I know I'd just posted my latest entry like... less than half an hour ago. But I came across this message on the frenster bulletin board, posted by one of my students last time... and I found is SO BLOODY MEANINGFUL. So I'm re-posting it here...
When you were 1 year old, she fed you and bathed you. You thanked her by crying all night long.When you were 2 years old, she taught you to walk. You thanked her by running away when she called.When you were 3 years old, she made all your meals with love. You thanked her by tossing your plate on the floor.When you were 4 years old, she gave you some crayons. You thanked her by coloring the dining room table.When you were 5 years old, she dressed you for the holidays. You thanked her by plopping into the nearest pile of mud.When you were 6 years old, she walked you to school. You thanked her by screaming, "I'M NOT GOING!"When you were 7 years old, she bought you a baseball. You thanked her by throwing it through the next-door-neighbor's window.When you were 8 years old, she handed you an ice cream. You thanked her by dripping it all over your lap.When you were 9 years old, she paid for piano lessons. You thanked her by never even bothering to practice.When you were 10 years old she drove you all day,from soccer to gymnastic to one birthday party after another. You thanked her by jumping out ofthe car and never looking back.When you were 11 years old, she took you andyour friends to the movies. You thanked her by asking to sit in a different row.When you were 12 years old, she warned you not to watch certain TV shows. You thanked her by waiting until she left the house.When you were 13, she suggested a haircut that was becoming. You thanked her by telling her she had no taste.When you were 14, she paid for a month away at summer camp. You thanked her by forgetting to write a single letter.When you were 15, she came home from work, looking for a hug. You thanked her by having your bedroom door locked.When you were 16, she taught you how to drive her car. You thanked her by taking it every chance you could.When you were 17, she was expecting an important call. You thanked her by being on the phone all night.When you were 18, she cried at your high school graduation. You thanked her by staying out partying until dawn.When you were 19, she paid for your college tuition, drove you to campus carried your bags. You thanked her by saying good-bye outside the dorm so you wouldn't be embarrassed in front of your friends.When you were 20, she asked whether you were seeing anyone. You thanked her by saying, "It's none of your business."When you were 21, she suggested certain careers for your future. You thanked her by saying, "I don't want to be like you."When you were 22, she hugged you at your college graduation. You thanked her by asking whether she could pay for a trip to Europe.When you were 23, she gave you furniture for your first apartment. You thanked her by telling your friends it was ugly.When you were 24, she met your fiance and asked about your plans for the future. You thanked her by glaring and growling, "Muuhh-ther, please!"When you were 25, she helped to pay for your wedding, and she cried and told you how deeply she loved you. You thanked her by moving halfway across the country.When you were 30, she called with some advice on the baby. You thanked her by telling her, "Things are different now."When you were 40, she called to remind you of a relative's birthday. You thanked her by saying you were "really busy right now."When you were 50, she fell ill and needed you to take care of her. You thanked her by reading about the burden parents become to their children.And then, one day, she quietly died. And everything you never did came crashing down like thunder on YOUR HEART.I realised I'm guilty of quite a few of them... and I'm so darn glad I'm finally grown up and learnt how to appreciate my parents. I was extremely touched today when my mum called me after her sch ended, just to ask me if I'm feeling better... (I had mild food poisoning last nite, in which my mum search through all the medicine in the house for food poisoning ones, and went to get warm water for me to swallow the medicine with... and I was closer to the kitchen than she was at that time).
Although I still forget sometimes and may lose my temper with my parents from time to time, when they get into the naggy mode or different-frequency mode... like today when my parents came all the way to Orchard after their taiji lesson to fetch me and my frenz home... and I was raising my voice in the fone with my dad cos he couldn't describe his car location where he's waiting for us, and I couldn't describe our whereabouts to him properly. But unlike when I was younger and acted all bratty lyk everything is their fault... I felt guilty for losing my temper on the fone, and was thinking throughout the car ride what I can do to make it up for my terrible behaviour just now... I just have to control my temper.
And I really really love my family. Sigh... dunno wad's wrong with me today... just finished my period, so it shouldn't have been pms... I shld just go sleep... madness...
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* xuan * listened
@ |7/09/2005 01:54:00 AM|
You are pure, moral, and adaptable.
You tend to blend into your surroundings.
Shy on the outside, you're outspoken to your friends.
You believe that you live a virtuous life...
And you tend to judge others with a harsh eye.
As a result, people tend to crave your approval. |
Got this from Jes's blog... It really IS the shortest personality test, and it also is one of the MOST accurate ones I ever did. It's straight to the point, and it made mi see my weakness carefully. I noe I'll sound so high-&-mighty when saying this, but I always think I have everything good for me. I need not have the most perfect family, I am not super rich, I am not super smart, I am not super pretty... but still, I am more than contented. As a result, I behave the way I'd been behaving... the way I din even realise until yesterday. After my quarrel with my sis, I started some soul-searching, and realise why issit that she's always doing things to seek my approval, it's not cos I'm the perfect role model or something, but it's cos I'm always veri critical towards her... and until yesterday, it never occured to me before, at all.
And then I started to recall my behaviour towards my frenz, and I recall many of them telling me that I'm a veri straightforward person... that's a nicer term for being a bitch. I slowly recalled times when I'm with each of my frenz, I'll always be critisizing this and that about them... about the clothes they like, about the guys they like, about their behaviour towards their bfs, about their behaviour towards anything... and I din even realise it, I'm so used to it.
Then I decided, maybe I should try to be a nicer person, (which is something that never occured to me ever, cos I'd always thought that I am already a veri nice person). So I put my "be-a-nicer-person-plan" to work today. Met up with Cryst to get Dee's present before we go for her celebration. And for every different fren, there'll be a different thing to critisize abt. For Cryst, I guess it'll be our taste in clothes. Poles apart I tell u... And so today, we went shopping for Dee's present, and at the same time, shop for our own stuff. And when Cryst see some skirt or shoe she liked today, she asked mi for opinion, I actually said not bad! And I was quite surprised cos it's not a forcing kind of fake "not bad", but I really thought they were "not bad". I think it's cos when u have a negative attitude to something, for this case, Cryst's taste in clothes, your mind will be veri subjective in the sense that everything she likes, I'll veri automatically tune to "not nice". But I realise if I dun take such an extreme stand, I can actually see things from an objective point of view! And seriously... I feel that today is lyk one of our best shopping trips together, no disagreements of any sort. Cryst & Xuan... poles apart in fashion likings. And I was surprised I actually feel good!
So, to all those I'd critisized before, about various issues... good news, bitchy me is trying to be a nicer person now. But still... if I really disapprove of something, I will not fake it and approve... just that... from now onwards, I'll be more open to your ideas, and not stick strictly to my own ideas, and insist that only my ideas are correct.
On a lighter note :
Happy 20th Birthday Dee!
I had a really great time today... for once, 5 memebers of Catas can turn up... and truthfully... I had a really great time. Hope those busy women will have more free time so we can do more of such stuff... Haha...
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* xuan * listened
@ |7/09/2005 01:14:00 AM|
Friday, July 08, 2005
What do you do when you have a sister who acts like no one on the family loves her and she rather not be here? I have this huge urge to ask her to snap out of it and grow up. But she seems really upset and I admit... I was acting like a bitch just now... had a bad day with my tuition kid, and I noe it's no excuse.
I had never been a person who'll admit I'm wrong, even when I know I am... which is why I'm appalled by what I did just now... I wrote a note to my sis, not only to apologize... but put myself all the way down and her, all the way up. I could've just apologized, then tell her for goodness sake she's not redundent in the family, and start one chunk on how stupid her behaviour is. Instead, I wrote stuff like, I am close to brother, but I also need a sister to be close to, otherwise who will I talk to about guys in future?? Ok, I sound really out of my mind here, but I even wrote stuff lyk, who will take care of my kids in future if I'm busy? You! Who will go for facials with me in future? You! And I wrote stuff lyk how mean I was being... Man... I cant believe I'll put myself down all the way like that. But the thing is, unlike frenz, or maybe ur bf/gf, I noe my sis's reaction to that will not be a smirk, or a "I win, you lose" kind of thing, she will not make me feel lyk I'd lost all my pride apologizing to her. Becoz she's my sis... and I noe she'll appreciate that letter, and this gesture from her elder sis who always have this high-and-mighty attitude... and suddenly, I dun even feel lyk I'd lost my pride and dignity in writing that letter... I feel good... like it's something I should've done long ago and not wait till now.
And then it occuered to me... it's cos she's my sister, my sibling, we share the same blood. What's the big deal about losing face and pride, if it can make ur upset sister happy again? I mean, last time when I fell out of my first (and rubbish) relationship, I started crying in the room, and without even asking me the reason, she started crying too. That's my sis... looks hard on the outside, but sharing the same genes as mi, a softie in the inside. Would it be the same if it were for frens, or even in relationships? In one episode of SATC, the theme is about pple playing relationship games... u need to noe the rules, u need to noe your next move, you need to anticipate your partner's move, and think of a way to counter it. To put it to life, let's say it's not mi and my sis quarelling. Girl and guy quarrels. Girl is in a bad mood, but guy din realise and irritated her, unknowingly. Girl is pissed, and became mean to guy. What happens next? I dunno for other pple, but I, for one, will NOT use the same solution I used to deal with my sis. Over my dead body. In relationships, it's abt who gives in first, and you may be the one who is more at fault, or less at fault, but as long as you give in first, the other gets the upper hand. It's abt playing the r/s game, and if u even put urself down the way I did in that letter, you're a goner babe.
Even for frens, I had never given in ever... and I noe... cos I can be veri mean when it comes to friends who pisses mi off. And even if I ever apologize in any quarrel, I would use the "I-am-sorry-but-you-are-no-better" tone. Which is not very nice I noe... but in the first place, I dun quarrel with frenz who're nice. If I ever stoop down to the level I did with that apology letter with my frenz, it'll only be if that friend matters really really alot to me. And so far, I haven had a chance to put it to test to know which fren matters that much to me... and I hope I wun ever have to try... some things are better to be left the way they are.
And it's only now, that I realized how much my sister meant to me. All along, it'd been my brother this, my brother that... somehow, along the way, I forgot my sister can do all of that too. And maybe it's the 6 years age gap between us, that causes the teeny bit of difference in frequency, but as I told her in my letter to her, in future when we're all adults and have our own families... I know who I will be closest to. How do I know? Just look at my Da-yi, Er-yi, and my mother.
And she'll know too.
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* xuan * listened
@ |7/08/2005 02:29:00 AM|
Thursday, July 07, 2005
You noe wad's the ultimate kind of pig? Me. I left my fone on the whole nite, and in the morning (morning meaning before 12pm, but still before my waking time), I was awoken by a few msges... and I can reply each msg without being fully awake! I was so surprised by myself... when I was fully awake at 1 plus, I recalled having a msg by Jeslyn, Dee, Mel etc etc... and then I vaguely remeber myself replying them. Man... I hope I din reply any wrong msges... the ultimate pig man...
Anw... I was juz thinking that we're such victims of technology... or at least... I am. When my comp was spoilt a few weeks back, I was practically half-dead... I even have to resort to the community library at Compasspt to check my many e-mails. Now that it's fixed and working perfectly fine (and once bitten twice shy, I run a virus scan everyday without fail nowadays), I still feel lyk I'm half-dead. That is because my beloved digital camera is spoilt. The lens dropped out when I was in China, goodness noes where... so I cant take anymore fotos now cos the screen is really blurred. And what happenes now is that I have many pairs of new earrings to be put up on my website, I cant. I bought many stuff overseas which I badly wan to put up for sale on yahoo auctions, I cant. I finally realise I have way too many clothes, I wan to sell some on yahoo auctions, I cant. And another realli important thing... I wan to take fotos with my frens! And I cant!!!
I want to cry now!!!!!!!
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* xuan * listened
@ |7/07/2005 02:02:00 PM|
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
Woah... NUS module listing out yesterday... went to check and went through every single modules for both ELang and Soci... and I noe it's going to be really shocking, my final decision on my major. YEah... u got it... ELAng.
I decided as interesting as Soci, I will literally be pushing myself into the burning pot by majoring in it. I cant even handle one module of soci readings, not to say 3 or 4 modules each sem. I've never been a readings kinda person, since sec sch... tink Tab will noe wad I mean. Geography, Lit, History etc etc... is always on the bottom compared to all my results. No matter how disgusting ELang is, at least it dun have all the thick heavy readings to be completed. And I did go through all the ELang modules... although I cant find enough nice modules to fulfill the 14 to be completed for the major, it's close.
And I did consider too, that it's not easy to get As for ELang, cos it's a wrong means wrong, right means right kinda thing... but I can always use other modules to get the As, rite? I alr circled a few Soci mods to take... cant afford too many, cos of Bahasa and also the bloody wasted "Methods of Social Research" I took last sem... damn stupid man. And this sem Tab asked mi to take translation with her... translate chinese to english... damn pressurizing, that woman's chinese so power... aaargh... but she says its fun, and there's many shows to watch... that I dun mind... haha...
And moreover, even though an Arts degree is so general, ELang is a teeny weeny bit less general than Soci... especially if I wan to be a teacher in future... although being a Maths teacher is still my greatest dream....
Wonder if they'll let an Arts graduate teach Maths...
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* xuan * listened
@ |7/06/2005 05:41:00 PM|
Monday, July 04, 2005
I'm feeling SO SO SO horrible now... kena that thing this morning and have been suffering frm terrible cramps till now... even after taking medicine and sleeping more for the whole afternoon. Supposed to have tuition later in the evening and I guess I'm really lucky cos the mother called and changed it to Wed instead... *Great Relief*... I wouldn't wan to be giving that constipated look when teaching my student.
Anyone have any good remedies for curing stomach cramps??? Aaargh... I shall go continue rolling on my bed...
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* xuan * listened
@ |7/04/2005 05:18:00 PM|
Sunday, July 03, 2005
Went for Racial Harmony Performance at Expo today! It's kinda pre-show for our YCF performance... quite an eye-opener for me cos I've never taken part in any performance of any kind before. Was quite overwhelmed at the beginning when we were dragged into the make-up tent, where they have different sections for hair, foundation, eyes, blusher, shimmer and the red-dot. Each section have a few different aunties in charge of their specific area. Never had my make-up done by other people before... was telling Cryst I feel lyk sum "star"... so shiok, dun have to move ur hands and can get ur make-up done... although Cryst din tink the same way la... she was kinda pissed wif the results of her make-up cos her make-up auntie is quite inexperienced one. Den even when we applied the super fire red lipstick after dinner she problematic again go wipe a bit to make the colour lighter. I tink if Cryst becomes a "star" in future she'll be the ones that make-up artists and hair stylists will hate and bitch about to other people... wahahaha.
Here's me in my complete Bollywood look... Cryst says I look lyk an Indian! I told my parents and they said no. Bleah~!
Overall although it's damn tiring, standing up for quite long, running and sprinting here and there in last min rehearsals... but everyine got quite high during and after the show. It's fun! Too bad Dulcia and Jes couldn't make it today... but I believe our actual performance at YCF will be even more fun! YAY!
(Wanted to post a foto I took wif Cryst in our Indian look but she said if I dare to post it I will really get it from her. Bleah~! I'll make sure during YCF I'll take more fotos wif her and publish right HERE... *EVIL LAUGHTER*)
Damn tired... got training early in the morn tmr... tink I'll juz watch 2 ep of SATC today den go slp... *YAWN*
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* xuan * listened
@ |7/03/2005 01:27:00 AM|
Saturday, July 02, 2005
I juz received the complete set of SATC frm Tab today!!!
(Thanx babe so so so much! *MUACKZ*)
Muahahahahaha!!!
*Evil Grin*
*SNIGGER*
*EVIL LAUGHTER*
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* xuan * listened
@ |7/02/2005 01:02:00 AM|
Friday, July 01, 2005
Yesterday I said that "Something's Gotta Give" is on par with "13 Going on 30"? I take back my words... "13 Going on 30" is still a teeny weeny tad better. I got really bored today, had nothing to watch late in the night, finished OC, waiting for Tab's SATC, all my new shows are still on the way to completion. I decided to watch "Along Came Polly", which I saved together in the same disk as "13 Going on 30", the only 2 shows I "saved" before I rebooted my whole computer. It's good, any show that has Ben Stiller has to be good... he's funny! And in the show, he's funny yet really romantic. I loved the scene where he rubbed the peanut on the floor and ate it, just to prove he's willing to change for the girl. And then after the show it was just abt 2 plus, so I decided to watch "13 Going on 30" again, since it's in the same cd. And well... I thought by knowing the entire plot already I should be able to watch it in one piece... and yet I had to cry, at the exact same part of the show as the first time I watched it. It's a really meaningful show... and I really don't know why Jo tinks it's ok only... I'll give it A+++ if I have a chance to!
It's meaningful... after watching it the 2nd time I see the meaning even clearer now. There was this part where 'Jenna' asked her mother is there anything she ever regretted doing, or is there any time of her life she wished she could go back to and make different decisions, her mother thought a while, and said "No." And then it struck me... I dun wan to make any decisions in which I'll regret maybe 10 years down the road. I wan to be happy at where I am, who I am, or what I will be doing. But will it be as easy as it seems? We make wrong decisions all the time, it's normal. But what if that one single wrong decision you'd make causes your whole life to be changed entirely?
If anything, I made many wrong decisions before... and now and then when I tink abt them I'll be like, "I should have .....", "It could have been ......", "Maybe .......". But that is all. I'm happy where I am now. And next time when I'm going to make any rash decisions, maybe I should stop for a second and think of this show... because unlike in the show, there is no way I can go back into the past and relive my life in another direction again.
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* xuan * listened
@ |7/01/2005 02:12:00 PM|
