Friday, July 08, 2005
What do you do when you have a sister who acts like no one on the family loves her and she rather not be here? I have this huge urge to ask her to snap out of it and grow up. But she seems really upset and I admit... I was acting like a bitch just now... had a bad day with my tuition kid, and I noe it's no excuse.
I had never been a person who'll admit I'm wrong, even when I know I am... which is why I'm appalled by what I did just now... I wrote a note to my sis, not only to apologize... but put myself all the way down and her, all the way up. I could've just apologized, then tell her for goodness sake she's not redundent in the family, and start one chunk on how stupid her behaviour is. Instead, I wrote stuff like, I am close to brother, but I also need a sister to be close to, otherwise who will I talk to about guys in future?? Ok, I sound really out of my mind here, but I even wrote stuff lyk, who will take care of my kids in future if I'm busy? You! Who will go for facials with me in future? You! And I wrote stuff lyk how mean I was being... Man... I cant believe I'll put myself down all the way like that. But the thing is, unlike frenz, or maybe ur bf/gf, I noe my sis's reaction to that will not be a smirk, or a "I win, you lose" kind of thing, she will not make me feel lyk I'd lost all my pride apologizing to her. Becoz she's my sis... and I noe she'll appreciate that letter, and this gesture from her elder sis who always have this high-and-mighty attitude... and suddenly, I dun even feel lyk I'd lost my pride and dignity in writing that letter... I feel good... like it's something I should've done long ago and not wait till now.
And then it occuered to me... it's cos she's my sister, my sibling, we share the same blood. What's the big deal about losing face and pride, if it can make ur upset sister happy again? I mean, last time when I fell out of my first (and rubbish) relationship, I started crying in the room, and without even asking me the reason, she started crying too. That's my sis... looks hard on the outside, but sharing the same genes as mi, a softie in the inside. Would it be the same if it were for frens, or even in relationships? In one episode of SATC, the theme is about pple playing relationship games... u need to noe the rules, u need to noe your next move, you need to anticipate your partner's move, and think of a way to counter it. To put it to life, let's say it's not mi and my sis quarelling. Girl and guy quarrels. Girl is in a bad mood, but guy din realise and irritated her, unknowingly. Girl is pissed, and became mean to guy. What happens next? I dunno for other pple, but I, for one, will NOT use the same solution I used to deal with my sis. Over my dead body. In relationships, it's abt who gives in first, and you may be the one who is more at fault, or less at fault, but as long as you give in first, the other gets the upper hand. It's abt playing the r/s game, and if u even put urself down the way I did in that letter, you're a goner babe.
Even for frens, I had never given in ever... and I noe... cos I can be veri mean when it comes to friends who pisses mi off. And even if I ever apologize in any quarrel, I would use the "I-am-sorry-but-you-are-no-better" tone. Which is not very nice I noe... but in the first place, I dun quarrel with frenz who're nice. If I ever stoop down to the level I did with that apology letter with my frenz, it'll only be if that friend matters really really alot to me. And so far, I haven had a chance to put it to test to know which fren matters that much to me... and I hope I wun ever have to try... some things are better to be left the way they are.
And it's only now, that I realized how much my sister meant to me. All along, it'd been my brother this, my brother that... somehow, along the way, I forgot my sister can do all of that too. And maybe it's the 6 years age gap between us, that causes the teeny bit of difference in frequency, but as I told her in my letter to her, in future when we're all adults and have our own families... I know who I will be closest to. How do I know? Just look at my Da-yi, Er-yi, and my mother.
And she'll know too.
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* xuan * listened
@ |7/08/2005 02:29:00 AM|
