Sunday, November 13, 2005
Dumb Blonde Jokes
I found these online yesterday... cos I was feeling so stressed not abt my exam, but over not starting for it yet. Hahahaha... Juz sitting there and procrastinating abt when to start revision... wah damn stressed over that question man... hahahaha...NOW i sounds lyk a dumb blonde... anw I absolutely love dumb blonde jokes... they're so funny!!!
A Blonde was so Stupid that she:
- Tried to put M&M's in Alphabetical order
- Got stabbed in a Shootout
- Received 'Artificial Intelligence' when she died her hair brown
- Called the Love 'Hotline' and got burned
- She studied for a blood test, and...FAILED!
- She called you to get your phone number
- She stared at the orange juice for 45 minutes cause it said concentrate
- She sent you a fax with a stamp on it
- She tried to drown a fish
- She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death
- If you paid someone every time she had a good idea, you'd get change back
- she tripped over a cordless phone
- She asked for a price check at the dollar store
- If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless
- She sold her car for gas money
Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: Tell her she's pregnant.
Q: What will she ask you?
A: "Is it mine?"
A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she accidentally cut off a truck driver. He motioned for her to pull over. When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to the blonde, 'Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE!'.
He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats. When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said, 'Oh you think that's funny? Watch this!' He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car. When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face. He is getting really mad. He gets his knife back out and slices all her tires. Now she's laughing. The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to his truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire. He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down.
'What's so funny?' the truck driver asked the blonde. She replied, 'Every time you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle!!
A blonde woman competed with a brunette woman and a redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted.After being revived with blankets and coffee she remarked, "I don't want to call anybody a cheater, but I think I saw those other two girls use their arms.
A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you." She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde."
The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"
A brunette, redhead and blonde went to a fitness spa for some fun and relaxation. After a stimulating healthy lunch, all three decided to visit the ladies room and found a strange-looking woman sitting at the entrance who said, "Welcome to the ladies room. Be sure to check out our newest feature: a mirror which, if you look into it and say something truthful, you will be awarded with a wish. But, be warned, for if you say something false, you will be sucked into the mirror to live in a void of nothingness for all eternity!"
The three women quickly entered and upon finding the mirror, the brunette said, "I think I'm the most beautiful of us three" and in an instant she was surrounded by a pile of money. The redhead stepped up and said "I think I'm the most talented of us three" and she suddenly found the keys to a brand new Lexus in her hands. Excited over the possibility of having a wish come true, the blonde looked into the mirror and said, "I think... " and was promptly sucked into the magic mirror...
A blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. She returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps feeding out drinks.
Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping her and asking if someone else could have a go. The blonde spins around and shouts in her face: 'Can't you see I'm winning!?'
A blonde female police officer pulls over a blonde gal, in a convertible sports car, for speeding. She walks up to the car and asks the blonde for her driver's license. The blonde convertible driver searches through her purse, in vain. Finally she asks, "What does it look like?" The blonde police officer tells her, "It's that thing with your picture on it."
The blonde driver searches for a few more seconds, pulls out her compact, opens it, and sure enough sees herself. She hands the compact to the blonde cop.After a few seconds looking at the compact, the blonde cop rolls her eyes, hands the compact back to the blonde convertible driver and says, "If you would have told me you were a police officer when I first pulled you over we could have avoided this whole thing."
There are three ladies working in the same office. They begin to notice that each day the boss, who is also a female, leaves work early.
One day they decide that once the boss takes off they are gonna be right behind her, after all she never comes back or calls so how would she know. So, they all three leave and the brunette was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at her spa before meeting her dinner date. The redhead was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening and went to bed early. The blonde was happy, happy, happy, to be home. But when she got to her bedroom she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly, quietly, she cracks open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with HER BOSS!! Ever so gently she closed the door and crept out of her house.
The next day at coffee break, the brunette and redhead mentioned leaving early again and asked the blonde if she wanted to go with them. "NO WAY!!" The blonde exclaimed, "I damn near got caught yesterday!
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* xuan * listened
@ |11/13/2005 11:29:00 PM|
