Sunday, November 13, 2005
I Have A DisorderIt's not the first time I'm being told this... but it's only recently that I have to accept the fact that I really have this psychological disorder. My disorder is called the Perfectionist Syndrome. My room can be how messy and my study table can be how wrecked, but as long as I myself know where my stuff are it's ok. But I realised when I step out of the house, I kinda like everything to be in place. I may throw everything into my bag and not packing them nicely, but someone pointed out that I have a "bag" for everything, a pouch for my make-up, a pouch for my handphone, a pouch for my mp3 player... at a point of time I had a pouch for my keys too. At one point of time my sister likes to wear earrings on just one side of the ear, I tink it's really disturbing and irritating. When I wear earrings both side muz have the same earring, same design, same pattern, same size. And I dun juz feel a little disturbed when one of these things goes out of place, but I become irritated, and really really pissed off.
I would have told some frens of mine that I've been surfing this online forum for quite some time already. I just exploded to this girl I knew frm that forum, that I am feeling super super pissed and irriatated now. Cos I see this idiot's name appearing in every thread!!! This idiot is a guy! And he has a stupid display picture of this stupid cat! He responds to EVERY single thread in this girls forum! You know I suddenly feel like msging him privately to tell him to stop being such a loser and that he dun need to reply in stupid threads with topics like "Toilet Habits?". And everyone that replied are females, abt how they'd wipe the toilet seats with toilet paper and some would line the toilet bowl with toilet paper too. And then?? I see that idiot's reply to that post. LOSER!!! And that girl was telling me aiyah juz ignore him la... he also never do anything to me. But I am still bloody pissed off! I cant stand guys being such losers! *BREATHE IN* *BREATE OUT*
And suddenly that girl exclaimed..." I know! You got a disorder! You're a perfectionist!" Ya I am... and it's getting out of hand. I dun even noe that loser and I can be affected so badly just by his numerous posts in the forum and his stupid cat picture. When I am out with my frens, I can dunno the person smoking and still give him a hard cold stare. When I go eat at fast food outlets with my frens they can just leave like that after eating but I cant even though I tried before. I have to remove the tray from the table, throw away the leftovers and paper mat, before leaving the emptied tray on top of the dustbin.
And because of my disorder I tend to pick on pple... alot alot. If I dunno you and I dun like the way you do things and your way of thinking, I'll give u a disapproving look and even give u a disgusted look. If I know you and you're my fren, I would say I dun approve of what you're doing but you can continue doing it, as long as you dun ask me to be part of it... I'll snap your head off.
I also know that the world is not perfect, but my problem is that I try to achieve the ideal. When I did relief teaching it was so difficult, because I would try to improve every student, I wan all of them to turn into good students and do well. And because it's impossible, I become so frustrated and become so irritated with myself. When one of my students was taken into the poilce car in front of my eyes, I could not help it and cried in the toilet. All these would not have happened if I can understand that nothing is perfect in this world. And now I finally admitted my disorder... can someone cure me? How abt Tab, my future psychologist? I need help quickly... before I crash the computer seeing that loser guy's name in another thread in that forum!!!
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* xuan * listened
@ |11/13/2005 02:46:00 AM|
